Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
