I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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