My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
