she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
