he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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