Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
