If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize