i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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