I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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