can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
