Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
