dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
