hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
