Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
