Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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