Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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