saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize