She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
