hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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