Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
