I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
