My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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