I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
