i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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