matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
