I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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