hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
