Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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