Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
