we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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