I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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