If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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