the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
