My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
