I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
