SEEEEXXX PLEASE
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
