Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
