Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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