Soap is not a condiment
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I need a burrito and a hug.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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