mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
