what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
