those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
