She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
