Do you still have your period?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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