He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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