Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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