Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
