Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
