I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
