so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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