I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
