How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
