had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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