Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
