"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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