john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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