what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
