Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
