I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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