God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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