if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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