Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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