My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize