Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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