My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize