Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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