stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
