he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
