she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
