Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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