i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
