I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
