I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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