Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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