i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
