do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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