You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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