its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
