so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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