i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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