I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
