My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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