I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My cat gives me a boner
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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