so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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